North Norfolk Motorcycle Club
"The Panthers"
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Longest Day 2013
Great night everyone and we even got to see the sun go down before the rain arrived
Sophie enjoying the summers evening and great company |
Great turnout |
OMG £red turned up!! |
Kieth and Jeff marveling at arguably the best bike |
Jim struggling with tight underpants |
They finally arrived |
What we all went to see |
All too much for some |
What those on the big bikes didn't see |
Steve and Co lighting the balloons |
The Gibbonite project finally hits the road
It's finished! getting MOTd soon, and then it will be running in time.
its got hand change, so its unweildy and stupid. a bloody success, I'm sure you'll agree
I no longer have problems with road rage.
You may not have known I had issues with road-rage
Just wanted to let you know I'm over all of that now!
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
The Manx Grand Prick How not to be a Professional Pit Attendant
A very dear friend of mine turned up the other day with a present for
me. Actually not really a present as it was technically mine already. On a
small piece of card with a neatly punched hole holding a loop of string was the
ornate logo of the Manx Motor Cycle Club and the inscription “Manx Grand Prix 1984. Pit Attendant Newcomer’s
Race” I was instantly assaulted by heaps of wonderful memories.
Stan was a very handy Production bike rider and tuner in the early
eighties. First on an X7 Suzuki and then a rapid LC250 Yamaha. His collection
of tin ware as a result of his many race and championship victories would make
an impressive display if he wasn't so modest. This wasn't quite enough, Stan
wanted the challenge of the Isle of Mann’s notorious road circuit.
I had been accompanying him to a few meetings and begun racing myself
only the previous year but our chosen machines were very different.
Yamaha, refusing to rest on their laurels, had moved on several
generations from the 1930’s DKW the engines evolved from. However, Triumph had
not so much rested on their Laurels as shredded them, stuffed a mattress with
them and had the sort of snooze that would make Rumple Stiltskin late for work.
In six decades they had managed to fit boingy bits to both ends, the first
version for the rear being so complicated that even the designer could only
assemble it with help from his dad, The gearbox had been glued to the back of
the crankcases, and they over-bored the engine to the point where if you fired
it up in the garage on the centre stand and tweaked the throttle you had to
chase it across the floor. That was about it. But I love ‘em.
Anyway, whether it was my obvious race bike building and preparation
skills (unlikely) or the fact that I was able to pay my own way (see developing
theme) or the fact that we got on well and had both been through a bit of a
rough patch recently, I was offered and
accepted the job of spannering for Stan in the ‘84 MGP Newcomers Race on a 350
YPVS Yamaha.
This was serious stuff! We seldom fall out and if we do it’s because
neither of us has any intention of backing down before decomposition has set
in, but there was the makings of a good team.
Gerry, a friend and supporter of Stan’s efforts would take the racer and
my Bonneville over in his van so we would have a bit of transport freedom on
The Island and I could have a bit of a play.
I don’t usually make plans; they go wrong. Sadly not making them is no
guarantee that things will go right. A race on the most challenging circuit on
the planet is no place for flippancy but as Stan can worry for three people, I
thought I would just do as I was told - when I was told - and we’d be fine. My
lack of preparation could not have caught me out any earlier in the proceedings
than it did.
My Bonnie was going through one of it’s many costume changes. Peanut
tank, banana seat, Yamaha XS650 Custom bars. You get the picture. I’m sorry. I
was young. I hadn't quite finished but it was going in a van so that didn't matter. I could finish a few jobs off when we got there. All I had to do was
get from Norwich to Gimingham for the early start needed to make the ferry.
Early to bed for my nocturnal alarm call, a reasonable few hours sleep
considering the excitement level was followed by an enthusiastic leap out of
bed to get going.
Shit! It’s dark, really really dark. Of course it is, I hear you
say, it’s silly o’clock in September. However, one of the simple jobs I had
planned for later was wiring the lights up. There was no choice; I would have
just have to chance it. Getting out of Norwich was all street lights so the
only issue there was not getting nicked but the rest of the way was going to be
interesting. By the time I left the street lights behind a beautiful
almost-full moon hung in a clear sky and possibly the most enchanting ride of
my life saw me arrive on time having troubled neither the local constabulary or
any hedges.
An uneventful journey saw us safely on the Magic Isle and soon it was
time for a first look at the most famous 37 ¾ miles of tarmac on the planet. Stan
was in the van so he could have a good look around and I followed on the
Bonnie. It quickly became apparent that I could never hold the level of
concentration necessary to race there. I had been fantasising about building
another bike like my 250 but with a 500 twin engine to do just that. Oh no, I
would have been sticking my neck out way too far. It also became apparent that
my clutch lever was coming closer and closer to the bars each time I used it,
and somewhere after Kirk Michael it let go. Riding the flowing road with little
traffic was OK but Parliament Square in Ramsey loomed ahead.
With much throttle juggling and lever stamping I managed to find neutral
to coast up to the stop line that racers can ignore but I couldn't. Brilliant, a gap in the traffic
opened up just at the right time and with a handful of throttle and a delicate
size 10 whack on the lever 1st gear was abruptly engaged.
I don’t do wheelies. I am the man who bought a Supermoto and still can’t
wheelie. But with two 375cc pistons and a flywheel as heavy as a small planet,
enough tension was created in the top run of the drive chain to yank the front
wheel straight up. With the local constabulary very much in attendance but
thankfully momentarily distracted by female superstructure I waggled my way
around and across the square on one wheel. To onlookers I hope I appeared fully
in charge and brimming with skill rather than scared witless and wondering when
it was going to end. I thruppenny-bitted my way round the Hairpin and off over
the mountain to rendezvous somewhere near The Veranda to put the bike back in
the van which was blessed with the working headlights which would be required
in the building gloom.
Incredibly, Stan could already put bits of the track together in his
head - further reinforcing the difference in his abilities and mine.
Stan and I shared a twin-bed room in a very traditional B&B with
Gerry and his charming daughter in another. I think we were on the second floor
with one room above. We had the use of a small unlit, un-powered garage just
round the corner. Practice days began with me sitting on the back of the Yam
with a red cantilever toolbox in one hand and a can of juice in the other as
Stan rode up to Glencutchery Rd. At something like 4.30 in the morning this was
almost as special as my earlier moonlit ride. We had about 10% of the gear for
this endeavor that we now take to a track day. The limited budget resulted in
Alex George asking Stan in a polite way W T F is that tyre you’re using on the
back of that thing. He considered it so unsuitable he found a replacement which
he gave him. The words “Alex George” and “gave” don’t normally occur in the
same sentence unless followed by a name and the word “slap” but he was a star and Stan was much safer and
quicker as a result. In fact the next morning Stan was mentioned on the radio
having been 3rd fastest in practice. Also I got to hob-nob with
someone who actually raced Slippery Sam.
It was late one night in our comfy room and we were well tucked up when
the rhythmic sounds of what may have been a plumbing problem started to
penetrate the ceiling from the room above. The sounds got louder and the rhythm
sped up and water hammer seemed less likely to be the cause. As it reached a
crescendo and then suddenly stopped it seemed appropriate to give a resounding
round of applause and a bit of a cheer.
As we left our room to go down for breakfast the next morning we looked
up the stairs to see two slightly tousled and comely young ladies coming out of
the room. No one had been heard entering or leaving and indeed it’s unlikely
that anyone would have got past the Turnkey/Landlady. Not a word was spoken.
Practice was going well and Stan could now run his own little private
movie of most of the course in his head. His strategy was to do the bits he
could visualise quickly, and treat the rest like a fast road run. This would
ensure the safest and fastest lap possible. It was whilst he was laying in
bed mentally running a lap, that I
struggled to remove a too-tight sock close by . Poised like a plucked flamingo
and at my most internally-taught I
inadvertently blew him a wrong-end kiss. My apology probably seemed less
sincere as it was delivered after a lengthy period of laughing like a hyena
that had chewed through a gas pipe in a dental surgery. His threats of
retribution delivered through puckered nostrils and pursed lips seemed only too
real to me as I know Stan as a man who bears grudges with the passion that
Charlton Heston bears arms.
Those of a certain age will remember the Griffon Clubman full-face lid.
One of the better early offerings of such new fangled devices. Fortunately for
me I had one of these with a nice new paint job that disguised the fact that I
had dropped it on a flint which punched a big hole right through it. It also
had a brilliant feature comprising
several small brass mesh vents in the visor. This helped to avoid misting but
caused your eyes to water like a new boy in an onion ring factory. These vents
however made it possible to sleep with your lid on and the visor taped down
without suffocating. As my ability to tell this tale 30 years later will
testify. This meant direct retribution was avoided. If anything untoward
occurred to my toothbrush or other toiletries I am blissfully unaware and would
like to remain so.
An example of Stan’s logical approach to the racing game can be
demonstrated by the oil he chose to use in the bike. His mother had a moped
which kept seizing. Oil delivery and mechanical condition were spot on but the
problem persisted. It became apparent that this was not just a problem with
this bike but many similar models. The manufacturer fixed the problem not by
modifying the machines but by introducing a special oil and it worked. If this
oil can stop an engine designed to seize from doing that, figured Stan, it must
be pretty good and that’s what we used. At the completion of practice and
having successfully qualified we stripped the top end to check it over and the
oil had indeed done a brilliant job. All was very well. After rebuilding I was
given the privilege of running it round for a steady lap on open roads to bed
everything in again and check for leaks etc. Another brilliant unforgettable
ride. Just a final check over and then time to race. Oh dear. The final check
revealed a warped brake disk. With no time to find and fit a disc and no budget
to pay for it we were buggered.
I’d like to think that at this time my Dad popped up Jiminy Cricket
style on my shoulder. He had died the previous year but had spent his entire
life, private and professional, fixing things that anyone else would have
thrown away. He taught me everything I knew about bikes and had gems such as “The
only thing a timing mark tells you is where they put the mark” and “tyre levers
are for taking tyres off, not putting them on” How many tubes have you wrecked
ignoring that one. With nothing to lose I got Stan to balance the bike on a
lump of firewood and spun the wheel feeling for the high spot in the disk. With
a specially selected piece of kindling from the garage floor and a fairly
chunky ballpene hammer I placed the “drift” squarely on what I thought was the
troublesome spot and gave it one firm rap. Nervously spinning the wheel again
we discovered we now had two perfectly true discs and we could go to the ball.
Thanks Dad.
If you think I’m making this up for a good tale I promise it’s all as
true as a 30 year gap will allow and about to get even sillier.
With a rest day ahead we decided to go and see the Steve Gibbons Band at
the Villiers Hotel . They did all their bike songs and I bitterly regret not
being able to get the cassette LP I bought that night on disc as I lost it
years ago. My kids could sing the Triumph Bonneville song before they could
walk. We impressed the girls with our driving licenses which proved that I was
Steve’s brother and Stan rode for the “Turkey Racer” team. We were unable to
press home the advantage due to the fear of extreme guilt and the threat of
real and lasting injury when we got home. So guilty for nothing was I, that I
decided to phone home to speak to my girlfriend who had recently moved in. She
had moved in on Wednesday only to spend the next weekend in a boiling smelly
caravan at Snetterton where I proceeded to achieve what Motorcycle Sport
magazine called the most impressive blow-up of the weekend. The following
weekend I buggered off to the Island.
How I thought calling her whilst completely pissed at 2.30 in the
morning was going to cement our
relationship I don’t know but her falling down the stairs to get to the phone
thinking one of us was horribly mangled or worse did result in some frostiness
on my return.
Race day dawns. We go up to the paddock and I send Stan off with a pat
on the back to the parc ferme to be reunited with his bike and head off to
pit 41. I am shown our quick filler and
have to get the fuel in ASAP so we’re ready to go. Having tipped all our juice
in the quick filler I give the trigger a squeeze to check it’s operation and am
horrified to see rusty water shoot out. I grab an official who is less than
sympathetic who finds me a clean QF but can’t do anything about the fuel. With
all the petrol stations on the course closed for safety I discover that most of
the island’s pumps are indeed on the course. This is why when my rider starts
his race I am listening to the commentary on Manx Radio in a taxi trying to
find fuel.
On my return I fill the QF and just get my breathing back to normal when
my boy is in for his end-of-lap-two stop oblivious to the whole thing.( Stan, I
think you still owe me for that juice) Our pit stop is faultless and he’s
enjoying the ride, Off he goes again.
The modern Newcomer’s race ran
concurrently with the Classic Race and I had a friend from CRMC riding a tasty
B50 BSA special in the same race. I believe the next year he demolished his
bike, a wall and his spine. His front disc sliced his crankcases apart but he’s
doing OK and racing again now. As Steve’s distinctive sounding bike approached
to complete his race I followed him with my gaze and gave him a hearty clap. As
I turned round to look back down the road to wait for Stan’s arrival a red and
white flash avoided my eyes and bugger me. Not only did I not see him start I
missed his finish. He didn't win but he was far from last and going home in a
van, not a box. Average race speed of a smidge under 90 mph and a fastest lap of
almost 94 mph. Result
Fast forward 30 years, The girlfriend who fell down the stairs became my
wife and mother to my two lovely kids and we celebrated 25 years of marriage
this year. Stan and I are still getting out there on the track. After a lay off
of about 15 years Stan is as fast as ever and he still says I’m very smooth
which is polite for slow but still hurts. He’s still riding Japanese exotica
and I can be found circulating on the very same Bonnie but thankfully those
handlebars are now in my daughter-in-law’s shopping bicycle having been
replaced with clip-ons to go with the café racer look. On trips, Stan thinks I
let him have the big bed in the van out of kindness, but I know it would be
much harder for him to climb up to my bunk in the front to fart in my face.
He hasn't said anything for about twenty years but I know he’s not
forgotten.
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